Slava Malamud
Slava Does America
The Article That Ended My Life in Journalism
Eight years ago, I worked the Olympic Games for the fourth and final time. It was a sad experience that stopped just short of being outright miserable, sharply contrasting with my previous Olympic trips to Beijing, Vancouver and London. Throughout the entire two-week ordeal I felt like something was coming to an end: my time with Sport-Express (back then, still a respected sports publication in Russia; now, a Putin-affiliated dung […] Read More
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You Hoard It Wrong
Few things speak to the strength and resilience of a nation like the list of items its members choose to stockpile in the face of imminent crisis. This is, of course, an extremely salient issue nowadays, as there is a great chance you are reading this whether while sitting on a treasure trove of hand sanitizer or in between your regular supply runs to re-up your stock of precious toilet […] Read More
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“Not To Be Penis-Like”… Explaining the Brilliance and Insanity of the Russian Language
When you arrive at the Sheremetyevo airport in Moscow (did you notice how Russian passengers applauded the pilot for landing the plane without killing anyone?) and survive the passport control by the openly hostile female junior lieutenant of the Border and Customs Service, you are immediately greeted by two signs. One of them says the following: “TOVAROV, PODLEZHASHCHIKH OBYAZATEL’NOMU TAMOZHENNOMU DEKLARIROVANIYU, NYET.” Can you say all of this ten times […] Read More
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The Glorious Communist Patty… Russian Food Guide, Part 8
America, we need to have a talk. It won’t be a pleasant one, but it needs to happen. I will lay it out to you bluntly, just ripping that band-aid right off. Thing is, America, you are atrociously bad at hamburgers. There, I have said it. Let that ham steam a little… I take no pleasure in saying this, but, listen, after seven posts of letting you laugh at the […] Read More
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