Slava Malamud
Slava Does America
You Hoard It Wrong
Few things speak to the strength and resilience of a nation like the list of items its members choose to stockpile in the face of imminent crisis. This is, of course, an extremely salient issue nowadays, as there is a great chance you are reading this whether while sitting on a treasure trove of hand sanitizer or in between your regular supply runs to re-up your stock of precious toilet […] Read More
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“Not To Be Penis-Like”… Explaining the Brilliance and Insanity of the Russian Language
When you arrive at the Sheremetyevo airport in Moscow (did you notice how Russian passengers applauded the pilot for landing the plane without killing anyone?) and survive the passport control by the openly hostile female junior lieutenant of the Border and Customs Service, you are immediately greeted by two signs. One of them says the following: “TOVAROV, PODLEZHASHCHIKH OBYAZATEL’NOMU TAMOZHENNOMU DEKLARIROVANIYU, NYET.” Can you say all of this ten times […] Read More
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The Glorious Communist Patty… Russian Food Guide, Part 8
America, we need to have a talk. It won’t be a pleasant one, but it needs to happen. I will lay it out to you bluntly, just ripping that band-aid right off. Thing is, America, you are atrociously bad at hamburgers. There, I have said it. Let that ham steam a little… I take no pleasure in saying this, but, listen, after seven posts of letting you laugh at the […] Read More
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Please to Celebrate in Orderly Manner!
What do Russians celebrate this time of the year? Is it Christmas? Do we celebrate Christmas? We celebrate Christmas, right? Only, like, weirdly and later and all communistically, is it true? You have a guy at work named Sergei who said something to that effect. Do we, like, put up a tree? Will we mind if you say “Merry Christmas” to us? Sergei doesn’t mind. Can you say “Merry Christmas” […] Read More
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This is Kasha. Made in Russia… The Russian Food Guide, Part 7
There is an old Russian saying: “What is good for a Russian is death to a German”, which is generally understood to mean “our food, weather, government, living conditions, professional soccer, movie industry, infrastructure and communal bathing rituals would be deadly to most foreigners, a fact we are proud of.” I will note here that “German” has long been a synonym for “non-Russian”, which is in itself a funny piece […] Read More
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