Slava Malamud
Slava Does America
The Glorious Communist Patty… Russian Food Guide, Part 8
America, we need to have a talk. It won’t be a pleasant one, but it needs to happen. I will lay it out to you bluntly, just ripping that band-aid right off. Thing is, America, you are atrociously bad at hamburgers. There, I have said it. Let that ham steam a little… I take no pleasure in saying this, but, listen, after seven posts of letting you laugh at the […] Read More
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Please to Celebrate in Orderly Manner!
What do Russians celebrate this time of the year? Is it Christmas? Do we celebrate Christmas? We celebrate Christmas, right? Only, like, weirdly and later and all communistically, is it true? You have a guy at work named Sergei who said something to that effect. Do we, like, put up a tree? Will we mind if you say “Merry Christmas” to us? Sergei doesn’t mind. Can you say “Merry Christmas” […] Read More
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This is Kasha. Made in Russia… The Russian Food Guide, Part 7
There is an old Russian saying: “What is good for a Russian is death to a German”, which is generally understood to mean “our food, weather, government, living conditions, professional soccer, movie industry, infrastructure and communal bathing rituals would be deadly to most foreigners, a fact we are proud of.” I will note here that “German” has long been a synonym for “non-Russian”, which is in itself a funny piece […] Read More
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Russia Banned From Olympics, To Continue Proud Cheating
Breaking news, everyone! Russia has cheated at sports. Again. Russia has been punished. Again. Russia may actually skate. Again. And Russia will absolutely, positively, without any hesitation or compunction, will cheat again the first chance it gets. Again. And again. And again. Here is the deal… Today, the World Anti-Doping Agency has officially banned Russia from all major international competitions for four years. Russia cannot host any major events or […] Read More
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What’s the Big Dill?.. The Russian Food Guide, Part 6
Don’t be surprised if this edition of the Guide winds up being the last. Oh no, it’s not because I am running out of topics to discuss. I mean, we are only six posts in, and I still haven’t gotten to the issue of porridge, for crying out loud! However, since in this post I am about to reveal Russia’s most closely guarded and embarrassing military secret, and since Russia’s […] Read More
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